I loved to play house when I was younger. I always thought I would enjoy being a mom. I had my first child when I was 25. I just had my second at 28.
I love my second child. I love how he is so cute. I love how clings to me (some days).
My oldest, not so much. I feel like I'm always frustrated with him. I hate how he never listens to me. I hate how when his father comes home I turn into chopped liver. I hate his attitude, that he actually gets to me.
I want to be a better mother. I just don't know how.
Today we were at a block store, and I was so angry at him, I grabbed his neck, hard. Before that, I struck him in the head, because he wasn't listening to me, yet again.
Sadly, I know people who have lost children due to serious illness or they have suffered the horrible loss of miscarriage. I don't want to be that mother who wishes she could of done something different after the fact.
So my plan:
- Slow Down
- Look into seeing a therapist to work through my issues.
- Look into herbal medications
I will let you know where I'm heading and how the road is taking me.
